#‘yours like my own personal brand of heroin’

[dykejugheadjones]

my goal in life is to speak likw edward cullen

[livingdeadgirl3]

We cant just be in love with each other. We need to be devoted, obsessed, infatuated even. I want you to tell me how obsessed you are with me, how I’m like a drug you can’t quit. Won’t quit even. Don’t tell me you just love me. Tell me how utterly obsessed you are.

[estellan0vella]

Goth Vampire Mafia Older Brother Sukuna AU HFBU

It's a lazy Sunday afternoon and you’ve got the living room to yourself. The tattoo parlour is closed for the day, and you’re cosied up on the living room couch with a blanket draped over your legs, the first Twilight movie queued up and ready to go. The TV’s soft glow is the only light in the room as you settle in, grabbing a handful of popcorn.

Just as the movie starts, you hear little footsteps padding down the hallway. Yuji, your boyfriend Sukuna's younger brother, peeks into the living room with curious eyes.

“Whatcha watching, Y/N/N?” he asks, climbing up beside you on the couch.

“Twilight,” you reply with a smile, ruffling his hair. “Want to join?”

“Sure!” Yuji grins, snuggling up beside you.

When the scene comes where Edward stops the car with his hand to save Bella, Sukuna can't contain his disbelief as he walks into the room and sits down next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Did he just stop a moving car with his hand? And no one questions this? Are all the humans in this town idiots?”

The iconic forest scene soon appears. Edward Cullen, looking as brooding as ever, says to Bella, “You’re my own personal brand of heroin.”

“What the hell does that even mean?” Sukuna scoffs. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Just wait, Kuna,” you tease, “it gets better.”

The movie continues, and soon it’s the infamous spider monkey scene. Edward lifts Bella onto his back and takes off into the trees. Sukuna lets out a bark of laughter. “Spider monkey? Who the hell wrote this script?”

By the time Yuji’s eyes light up at Alice’s entrance, you can tell he’s hooked. “She’s so cool,” he whispers, watching her with rapt attention. You smile, noting his budding crush.

As the movie progresses, Sukuna's running commentary continues, providing a constant stream of humorous and critical remarks. When the scene comes where Edward reveals he’s been watching Bella sleep for months, Sukuna’s incredulity peaks.

“Why the hell is he watching her sleep? That’s creepy as fuck,” he says, shaking his head.

Yuji looks up at him, curious. “Why does he do that, Suku?”

“Because he’s a fucking weirdo,” Sukuna answers bluntly. “Only a complete creep would think that’s romantic.”

You chuckle, trying to keep your laughter quiet, and ruffle Yuji’s hair. “Just remember, Yuji, if you like a girl, don’t ever do that.”

Sukuna nods, smirking. “Exactly. Normal people don’t stalk their crushes while they sleep.”

As the movie continues, Sukuna finds more to criticize about Edward’s behaviour. During the infamous scene where Edward takes Bella to meet his family and they play baseball, Sukuna can't help but comment on Edward’s overprotectiveness.

“Look at this guy, acting all possessive. Bella can’t even hang out with his family without him hovering over her,” Sukuna says, rolling his eyes.

Yuji, still entranced by the movie, asks, “Isn’t he just trying to keep her safe?”

Sukuna snorts. “There’s a difference between keeping someone safe and treating them like they’re made of glass. Edward’s got control issues.”

When James, the villain, makes his entrance, Sukuna’s disdain is palpable. “This guy’s supposed to be a threat? What a loser.”

When the movie reaches the climax with the showdown in the ballet studio, Sukuna’s frustration with James grows. “So, this is the big plan? Lure her to a ballet studio? Real original, James.”

As James taunts Bella and the tension builds, Sukuna’s disdain is clear. “This guy talks too much. If he spent less time monologuing and more time actually doing something, maybe he’d be a real threat.”

When Edward finally arrives and the fight ensues, Sukuna critiques every move. “Look at Edward, trying to be all heroic. This fight looks like two high school kids who took one too many drama classes.”

As Edward defeats James and the scene calms, Sukuna leans back with a sigh. “That’s it? All that buildup for such a weak villain. They could have at least made the fight interesting.”

The first movie ends and you pop in New Moon. As Edward breaks up with Bella and she collapses in the forest, Sukuna throws his hands up in exasperation. “You’ve got to be kidding me. All this drama over a breakup? Get a grip, Bella.”

Yuji looks confused. “Why is she so sad, Suku?”

Sukuna sighs. “Because she thinks her world is ending because her sparkly vampire boyfriend left her. It’s ridiculous.”

You can’t help but fangirl a bit when Paul Lahote appears on screen, and Sukuna rolls his eyes every time you sigh over him. “Really, babe? This guy?”

The movie's dramatic elements give Sukuna plenty of material. During one of the many shirtless scenes, he mutters, “Why do they keep stripping every time they turn into wolves? Do they not own shirts?”

Yuji giggles. “Maybe it’s because they get too hot?”

Sukuna shakes his head. “Or maybe it’s just an excuse to show off their abs. Either way, it’s absurd.”

As Bella continues her self-destructive behaviour, Sukuna can’t help but comment. “So she’s jumping off cliffs now? What’s next, bungee jumping without a cord?”

When Bella cliff dives and Edward goes straight to the Volturi, Sukuna groans. “Oh, come on. This is so over-the-top. Just because she jumped off a cliff?”

You laugh, patting Sukuna’s arm. “He thinks she’s dead, Kuna. It’s dramatic, but it’s love.”

Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “Love? This is obsession. There’s a difference.”

The Volturi make their appearance, and Sukuna looks genuinely baffled. “Why is there a vampire goth mafia with creepy twins? This makes no sense.”

As Jane demonstrates her power, Sukuna snickers. “Look at her, trying so hard to be scary with her little pain trick. Adorable.”

Yuji watches intently. “She’s kinda scary, though.”

Sukuna shakes his head. “Scary? Maybe if you’re a toddler. She’s just another overhyped character in this mess.”

When Bella and Alice race to save Edward, Sukuna rolls his eyes. “Of course, now we have a race against time. How cliché can you get?”

The scene where Bella runs through the crowd to stop Edward from revealing himself makes Sukuna groan. “This is straight out of a bad romance novel. Just stop already.”

When Bella saves Edward and they confront the Volturi, Sukuna is unimpressed. “So, he was willing to die because he thought she was dead? This guy needs therapy.”

As the Volturi threaten Bella, Sukuna scoffs. “Now they’re all protective over her again. Make up your mind, Edward. Do you want her in your dangerous world or not?”

The movie drags on with more angst and drama, and Sukuna’s patience wears thin. “This whole movie is just one big pity party. Can we get to something interesting?”

When Jacob confesses his feelings to Bella, Sukuna can’t help but laugh. “Oh great, now the werewolf is in love with her too. This love triangle is a disaster.”

You chuckle, leaning into Sukuna. “It’s supposed to be romantic tension.”

He smirks. “More like romantic nonsense.”

Eclipse begins, and the love triangle heats up. Sukuna can’t stop commenting on it. “This is just ridiculous. Pick one and move on, for god’s sake.”

As Bella flits between Edward and Jacob, Sukuna mutters under his breath. “This girl has no clue what she wants. It’s exhausting just watching her.”

When Victoria makes her appearance, Sukuna smirks. “Finally, someone interesting. Please, someone tear Bella to pieces and end this nonsense.”

During the training scenes with the Cullens and the wolves preparing to fight Victoria's newborn army, Sukuna shakes his head. “So, we’re supposed to believe these inexperienced newborns are a real threat? And the solution is a bunch of reluctant werewolves and a dysfunctional vampire family?”

As the heated argument between Edward and Jacob unfolds, Sukuna bursts out laughing. “Look at these two, fighting over a girl who can’t make up her mind. Pathetic. They should just leave her and become best friends. They’d probably be happier.”

When the proposal scene unfolds, Sukuna’s frustration peaks. “Now they’re getting married? This is the most dysfunctional relationship ever. They’re doomed.”

When Bella and Edward are camping in the mountains, Sukuna snorts. “So let me get this straight, they need Jacob, the human heater, to keep Bella warm? That’s some love triangle they got going on.”

Edward and Jacob’s conversation outside the tent catches Sukuna’s attention. “Look at this, they’re actually bonding over their mutual obsession with Bella. This is the weirdest bromance ever.”

When Bella attempts to kiss Jacob to stop him from leaving, Sukuna’s disdain is evident. “Seriously? She kisses him now? She’s playing them both like a fiddle. This girl is a mess.”

As the final battle approaches and tensions rise, Sukuna comments on every dramatic scene. “Oh, now they’re suddenly a well-coordinated team. Convenient.”

During the battle, Sukuna is actively rooting for Victoria and the newborns. “Come on, make this interesting. At least take out one of the main characters.”

When Victoria and Riley corner Edward and Bella, Sukuna leans forward. “Finally, some action. Let’s see if they can actually pull this off.”

As the battle intensifies, Sukuna can’t help but critique every move. “Edward’s fighting style is so pretentious. And Bella just stands there. Great strategy.”

When Seth and Edward finally defeat Riley and Victoria, Sukuna sighs dramatically. “Well, that was anticlimactic. I was expecting more from the big bad villain.”

The movie moves to the aftermath, with Jacob recovering from his injuries. Sukuna rolls his eyes. “Of course, he gets hurt protecting Bella. Typical.”

As Edward and Bella discuss their future together, Sukuna can’t hold back his sarcasm. “So, after all that, she still chooses the sparkly vampire? Shocking.”

Breaking Dawn Part One is next and the wedding scene unfolds, and Sukuna rolls his eyes. “Of course, it’s a big fancy wedding. Because nothing says ‘forever’ like an over-the-top ceremony.”

When Bella and Edward’s romantic escapades start, Sukuna scoffs. “Oh great, now they’re making the bed look like it’s been through a tornado. Who knew vampires had such a destructive streak?”

Yuji giggles from behind your and Sukuna's hands. “Why are they breaking everything?”

Sukuna rolls his eyes. “They’re just... having a very intense hug, kid. Don’t worry about it.”

As the honeymoon continues, Sukuna’s smirk widens. “So, they destroy an entire bed and then play chess for the rest of their honeymoon? Sounds like a blast. Who needs a beach when you can have a game of chess in a room full of broken furniture?”

When Bella starts experiencing strange symptoms and realizes she’s pregnant, Sukuna leans back, incredulous. “Oh, come on. She gets pregnant from one night with a vampire? That’s some fast-acting biology. It’s like the moment they decided to ‘get busy,’ her uterus went into overdrive.”

Yuji looks confused. “How can she be having a baby so soon?”

You ruffle his hair, trying to keep it light. “It’s just a movie, Yuji. Things happen fast.”

Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “Fast? More like implausibly fast. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gave birth the next day”

As Bella’s pregnancy progresses and her condition worsens, Sukuna’s disbelief turns into frustration. “This is just irresponsible. Who in their right mind thinks having a vampire baby is a good idea? It’s like playing Russian roulette with your own body.”

When Bella’s back breaks during childbirth, Sukuna laughs out loud. “Well, that’s what you get for wanting a vampire baby. A back snapped like a breadstick”

Yuji winces at the scene. “Is she okay?”

You try to soothe him. “She will be, Yuji. It’s just really dramatic.”

As Jacob’s imprinting on Renesmee unfolds, Sukuna’s face contorts with disbelief. “This is so messed up. Seriously?”

He continues, incredulous. “So, let me get this straight: he’s been in love with Bella this whole time, but now he’s suddenly in love with her newborn daughter? That’s just creepy. It’s like a bad Twilight Zone episode. One minute he’s hot for Bella, and the next he’s googly-eyed over a baby. What kind of messed-up interfamily love triangle is this?”

Yuji looks puzzled. “What’s imprinting?”

Sukuna sighs, trying to find a way to explain it. “It’s like... finding your soulmate. But in this case, it’s really weird because he’s a grown man and she’s a baby. It’s like telling a toddler, ‘Hey, you’re my soulmate,’ and then waiting for her to grow up. It’s just... wrong on so many levels.”

You nod, adding, “It means he’ll always protect her and be there for her, but yeah, it’s a bit strange.”

Sukuna shakes his head. “Strange? It’s beyond strange. It’s downright disturbing. This whole imprinting thing is like a loophole in the storyline, a convenient way to make Jacob’s character relevant without actually giving him any real development.”

As the scenes shift to Bella’s transformation into a vampire, Sukuna’s tone softens slightly, though his sarcasm remains. “Well, at least she looks hot now. Can’t deny that. But the whole process? It’s still a freak show. Who knew becoming a vampire involved so much screaming and blood?”

But when Renesmee appears, he’s back to his critical self. “Why does the baby look so wrong? That’s just creepy.”

He leans closer to the screen, scrutinizing the CGI baby. “Seriously, they couldn’t find a real baby for this? It looks like a haunted doll."

You laugh, nudging him playfully. “Come on, Kuna, it’s not that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad,” he insists. “Look at her! She’s like something out of a horror movie. I half expect her head to spin around.”

Yuji, engrossed in the movie, glances up at Sukuna. “I think she’s kinda cute.”

Sukuna smirks, shaking his head. “Kid, you need to get your eyes checked. That baby’s giving me the creeps.”

The movie continues, and every time Renesmee is on screen, Sukuna has something to say. “Why does she keep staring like that? It’s unsettling. And those eyes! They’re way too big for her head.”

He mimics the baby’s expression, wide-eyed and stiff, making you and Yuji burst into laughter.

When Jacob explains the imprinting to Bella and Edward, Sukuna is incredulous. “So let me get this straight: he’s in love with the creepy baby now? This just keeps getting weirder.”

As Renesmee ages rapidly, Sukuna keeps up his commentary. “Great, now she’s a creepy toddler. And why does she look like she’s staring into your soul? Every time she looks at the camera, I half expect her to say, ‘I see dead people.’”

You can’t help but laugh at his relentless criticism. “You’re really not letting this go, are you?”

“Nope,” he replies with a grin. “They had a chance to make a normal-looking baby, and they blew it. I’m gonna keep pointing it out.”

As the movie progresses, Renesmee continues to grow at an accelerated rate. Sukuna's eyes are glued to the screen, his critical gaze unwavering.

“Is it just me, or is she ageing faster than a vampire should be allowed to? This kid is like a living, creepy time-lapse,” Sukuna remarks, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

Yuji, still captivated by the movie, looks up at Sukuna. “But she’s supposed to be special, right?”

Sukuna snorts. “Special? More like a special effects nightmare. Look at her—she’s gone from baby to child in what, a week? I’ve seen horror movies with more believable ageing.”

The scene shifts to Renesmee as a child, interacting with the rest of the Cullen family. Sukuna shakes his head in disbelief. “And now she’s a kid who looks like she’s seen some things. Those eyes are still too big for her head. It’s like they didn’t even try to make her look normal.”

When Renesmee starts using her powers to show people her thoughts, Sukuna’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh great, now she’s a mind-reading horror child. Because that’s exactly what this movie needed—more creepy abilities.”

You chuckle, trying to keep your laughter under control. “You’re really on a roll tonight, Kuna.”

He smirks, leaning back on the couch. “I can’t help it, babe. This whole thing is a mess. They should have just let her be a normal baby. But no, they had to go for the uncanny valley effect.”

As the movie progresses, the scene shifts to a wintery landscape where Renesmee is shown jumping into the air to catch snowflakes. Sukuna's critical gaze narrows even further.

“Oh, great. Now she’s a creepy ballerina vampire,” he mutters. “Seriously, what’s with this kid? She’s like a supernatural circus act.”

Yuji, still captivated, looks up at Sukuna with wide eyes. “But she’s having fun, Suku! Look at her go!”

Sukuna snorts. “Having fun? She’s floating in the air like she’s part ghost. If I saw that in real life, I’d call an exorcist.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Come on, Kuna, she’s just catching snowflakes.”

Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “Catching snowflakes? She’s defying gravity! Look at her. No one else seems to find this odd?”

As Renesmee gracefully lands back on the ground and smiles at Bella, Sukuna sighs dramatically. “Of course, she just smiles and acts like it’s the most normal thing in the world. No big deal, just our super creepy child playing in the snow.”

Yuji giggles. “I think it’s cool! I wish I could do that.”

Sukuna ruffles Yuji’s hair. “Trust me, kid, you’re better off being normal. Less chance of creeping people out. I'd have to disown you if you started doing freaky shit like that around me and Y/N/N”

When Renesmee looks at Jacob and they share a moment, Sukuna can’t help but roll his eyes. “Oh great, more of this weird bond thing. It’s like they’re trying to make everything as uncomfortable as possible.”

You chuckle, leaning into Sukuna. “You’re really having a hard time with this, huh?”

He smirks, wrapping an arm around you. “Just calling it like I see it, babe. This whole movie is like a bad dream you can’t wake up from.”

The scene shifts to Charlie Swan, Bella’s father, visiting the Cullens. Renesmee is playing nearby, looking much older than the last time he saw her. Sukuna’s jaw drops.

“Wait, hold on,” he says, incredulous. “Does Charlie not realize his granddaughter was a baby like two months ago? How is he not questioning this?”

Yuji looks puzzled. “Maybe they told him she grows fast?”

Sukuna shakes his head. “Growing fast is one thing, but this kid’s ageing like she’s on steroids on crack. The girl's on crack steroids. How can he just accept this without freaking out?”

Charlie awkwardly interacts with Renesmee, clearly confused but not pressing the issue. Sukuna throws his hands up in exasperation. “Unbelievable. This guy is the worst cop ever. He can’t see what’s right in front of him!”

You laugh, nudging Sukuna playfully. “Maybe he’s just trying to be supportive.”

“Supportive? He’s in denial!” Sukuna retorts. “If my kid came home with a baby that turned into a pre-teen in two months, I’d be asking all kinds of questions.”

Charlie’s scene ends, and Sukuna leans back, shaking his head. “They must have him under some kind of mind control. That’s the only explanation. Or he is unbelievably stupid and definitely should lose his job"

The scene shifts to the Cullens gathering allies from various vampire clans around the world, preparing for the inevitable confrontation with the Volturi. Sukuna's expression is a mix of amusement and disbelief.

“Look at this. It’s like a vampire United Nations,” Sukuna quips, his eyes glued to the screen as the different vampire clans make their dramatic entrances.

Yuji looks up, eyes wide. “They’re all here to help?”

Sukuna snorts. “Yeah, because nothing says ‘epic battle’ like a bunch of random vampires with barely any backstory. Who are these people? They just show up and we’re supposed to care about them?”

As the Denali coven arrives, Sukuna raises an eyebrow. “So these guys are supposed to be their long-lost cousins or something? And why do they all look like they stepped out of a fashion magazine?”

The Irish coven’s introduction makes Sukuna chuckle. “Oh great, now we’ve got stereotypical Irish vampires. What’s next, a leprechaun with fangs?”

You laugh, nudging Sukuna. “Come on, Kuna, they’re just trying to show the diversity of the vampire world.”

He rolls his eyes. “Diversity? This is more like a bad casting call. And what’s with the vampire who can control the elements? Are we watching Twilight or Avatar: The Last Airbender?”

When the Amazonian vampires make their appearance, Sukuna shakes his head. “Seriously? They brought in jungle vampires? This is getting out of hand.”

As the Cullens explain their strategy to their new allies, Sukuna can’t help but comment on the absurdity. “So their grand plan is to stand around and look intimidating? Brilliant strategy. I’m sure the Volturi are shaking in their boots.”

When the Romanians arrive, Sukuna’s eyebrows shoot up again. “Oh, fantastic. Now we’ve got Transylvanian clichés. Where’s Dracula when you need him?”

Yuji giggles at Sukuna’s relentless commentary. “They’re all here to help, Suku. It’s a good thing, right?”

Sukuna ruffles Yuji’s hair, smirking. “Sure, kid. If you consider a bunch of random, underdeveloped characters showing up at the last minute a good thing.”

The scene continues with the Cullens strategizing with their allies, and Sukuna can’t help but shake his head. “This looks like a bad game of Vampire Risk. They’re all standing around like they’re about to take over the world, but half of them can barely keep a straight face.”

As the preparations for the battle continue, Sukuna’s criticism remains sharp. “They’ve got all these powerful allies, but their plan hinges on Bella’s mind-shield? That’s like putting all your money on a horse that’s never raced before.”

You chuckle, leaning into Sukuna. “It’s just a movie, Kuna. Suspend your disbelief a little.”

He grins, wrapping an arm around you. “For you, babe, maybe. But I’m still going to call out the ridiculous parts.”

As the final battle approaches and the tension builds, Sukuna’s commentary becomes more pointed. “This whole series has been building up to this moment, and I still don’t understand half of these characters. They’re like extras in a high school play.”

Yuji is heartbroken when Carlisle, Jasper and the wolves die. You hold him close, trying to comfort him. Sukuna, on the other hand, is visibly shocked by the plot twist with Alice’s vision. “Well, didn’t see that coming,” he mutters, somewhat impressed.

After the revelation that the battle was a vision, Sukuna can't help but voice his thoughts. “So, none of this is real? This whole battle is just one big ‘what if’ scenario? What a cop-out.” As the movie continues and Nahuel, the half-vampire, half-human child, makes his entrance, Sukuna’s disbelief is evident.

“Oh, look, another surprise twist,” Sukuna mutters, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “Just what we needed—another hybrid kid to magically solve all their problems.”

Yuji, still recovering from the emotional rollercoaster, looks up at Sukuna. “Is he like Renesmee?”

Sukuna snorts. “Apparently. But instead of clarifying things, it just makes it more ridiculous. Now we have hybrid kids running around too. It’s like they’re trying to cover every possible supernatural angle.”

When Nahuel starts explaining his origins and how he’s been living for over a century, Sukuna rolls his eyes. “Great, now we have a 150-year-old man trapped in a teenager’s body. This just keeps getting better.”

You chuckle, nudging Sukuna playfully. “Come on, Kuna, give the guy a break.”

Sukuna smirks. “A break? This whole thing is a mess. They’re just throwing in plot twists to keep it interesting. It’s like they couldn’t figure out how to end it, so they just kept adding more characters.”

Nahuel’s story about his mother dying in childbirth catches Sukuna’s attention, but not in a positive way. “So, his mother dies giving birth to him, and he’s been wandering the world ever since? What a conveniently tragic backstory. This guy’s existence is just one big plot device.”

Yuji looks puzzled. “But doesn’t he prove that Renesmee will be okay?”

Sukuna sighs. “Sure, kid. He’s here to make everyone feel better about the creepy baby growing up too fast. It’s like they needed someone to vouch for her so the Volturi wouldn’t freak out.”

As the Cullens and their allies celebrate their victory and the end of the conflict, Sukuna’s frustration remains palpable. “So, they gather all these vampires, have this huge build-up, and then it’s all resolved because of one guy showing up and saying, ‘Hey, everything’s cool’? What a letdown.”

You laugh, resting your head on Sukuna’s shoulder. “At least it’s over, right?”

He chuckles, pulling you closer. “Yeah, thank god for that. But I’m still mad about how easily they wrapped everything up. It’s like the writers just wanted to finish and move on.”

The final scenes show the Cullens returning to their peaceful lives, and Sukuna can’t help but comment. “So, everything goes back to normal? No consequences, no follow-up on the Volturi? They just walk away, and everyone lives happily ever after?”

You nod, smiling. “That’s how it goes in these stories, Kuna. Just accept it.”

Sukuna smirks. “Accept it? Sure. But I’m not letting them off the hook for this weak ending. They had a chance to do something interesting, and they blew it.”

As the credits roll, Yuji’s excitement returns. “That was awesome! Can we watch it again tomorrow?”

“Maybe another day,” you laugh, ruffling his hair again. “It’s late, and you need to get to bed.”

As you all head off to bed, Sukuna wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close. “You know, babe, those movies were terrible,” he says with a smirk, “but I had fun watching them with you.”

You smile up at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I had fun too, Kuna. Thanks for sticking it out with us.”

He chuckles, leading you to your room. “Anything for you, baby. Even if it means enduring five movies of sparkly vampires and dramatic wolves.”

As you lie in bed, you hear Sukuna’s voice one last time before sleep takes you. “I still can’t believe that goth vampire mafia. And that baby...”

You fall asleep with a smile on your face, knowing that even through all his complaints, Sukuna stayed by your side, sharing every laugh and every groan.

taglist: @sad-darksoul @thejujvtsupost @kyo-kyo1 @kalulakunundrum @ryomku

[when-wax-wings-melt]

Y'all wanted the presentation? Here's the presentation. Image descriptions are below the cut!

(technically this wasnt part of the assignment, which was "write an essay and read at least one full page to the class" so the reason why there's those huge blocks of text is because that is taken directly from the essay. i can condense things if I WANT to condense them)

[ID: 15 screenshots of a powerpoint presentation. The text is either white or gray, and the theme is various shades of purple, typically with bubbles of dark/light purple and images.

Slide one: Title reading "Keeper of the Lost Cities: A Love-Hate-Love Relationship, And What It Can Do To Your Psyche" with three images on the side. The first image is a meme of two stick figures, the first saying "kotlc lore is second nature to us rabid fans so it's easy to forget that the average person only knows the average special ability count and one or two vackers", the second figure saying "and valin, of course," and the first saying "of course." with text at the bottom reading "Even when they're trying to compensate for it, experts in anything wildly overcompensate the average person's familiarity with their field." The other two images are of Shannon Messenger, a white woman with blonde hair. The images are captioned "The dastardly mastermind behind it all" and "meet Shannon Messenger".

Slide Two: Title reading "Background" with a block of text and two images. The text reads "In total, the Keeper of The Lost Cities (KOTLC) series has over 7000 pages, split between nine and a half books (Book 8.5 was, uselessly, a novella) with a planned tenth coming in late 2024, and a graphic novel dropping in November. It’s the kind of series that hooks you the same way a fisherman hooks a fish: with a promise of a treat that goes very, very unfulfilled." The top image is the cover of the first keeper of the lost cities book, captioned with "book one of what will soon consume my entire brain for years and years and years" and the bottom image is a fish staring at the top image as if it is a tasty treat, captioned "Poor, innocent little 6th grade me".

Slide Three: A block of text reading "This is to say: KOTLC is a good series, at least at first. It’s certainly been my core obsession for a good (or bad) five years. It’s a hook because you can’t escape once you’ve begun. It’s my own personal brand of heroine, as Edward Cullen might say if Bella were a too-long book series that doesn’t resolve any plotlines or character arcs and instead piles more information on top of worldbuilding until contradictions are more plentiful than the packed main cast." An image of Edward Cullen from twilight is captioned "Me, apparently".

Slide Four: A small caption at the top reads "If the series ever ends you can call me Brant when Jolie asked him to leave the Neverseen the way I will burn down my house and kill everyone I love (haha just a joke to get us going)​" with an image of a huge explosion below it. Text reads, "Basically, KOTLC is a good series, but the idea of recommending it feels like I’d be violating several articles of the Geneva Conventions. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. The thought of it ending is an impossibility on the scale of the apocalypse and I hope (I'd rather) the world ends before this series does."

Slide Five: Titled "Queer-Coding in the Lost Cities" with the image of Sophie Foster and Fitz Vacker on the side. Text reads, "The queer-coding doesn't just stem from Sophie’s dedicated denial of both her worth as a human being and her desire to kiss her pretty girl friends. A connection called a “Cognate Bond” is often referred to in the text as the closest two elves can become, emotionally and mentally. Cognates exist when two Telepaths (such as Sophie) have such a deep and unbreakable trust bond that they become more skilled together than they were apart. In creating and maintaining this bond, they have to complete trust exercises and not hold back secrets keeping them from total confidentiality. Sophie’s cognate is her friend (and love interest, and, debatably, ex-boyfriend) Fitz, whose romantic relationship was in a large part focused on their cognate one. Their trust exercises involve staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, having matching rings, and Fitz telling Sophie that she’s the only person he can truly trust. Fitz also asks his father at one point if cognates are allowed to date each other— his father affirms the statement."

Slide Six: Titled "Queer-Coding: Qualden, Tiertice, and such other 🤨🏳��‍🌈 moments​" with the text, "Notably, Alden has the authority to do so since he himself was a cognate, only undergoing a nasty breakup— sorry, only losing the bond after his cognate, Quinlin, kept too many secrets. It’s implied that two other characters were once almost Cognates, only to grow too far apart when one of them, Prentice, has his sanity forcibly shattered and is locked in prison, leaving his (gay lover) best friend, Tiergan (code name Granite), to raise his son. The choice to parallel Fitz/Sophie, Alden/Quinlin, and Tiergan/Prentice was possibly not a conscious one, since Messenger has never attempted to hint at the existence of homosexuality before, but it still resonates with hundreds of queer teen readers who look at the portrayal of utter devotion and trust between two men and think, wow. this is what i see in myself.​" The image is a quote from Neverseen, reading "'What did you give him?' Granite asked, cradling Prentice like a baby. Prentice's head lolled to the side, his body limp and pale." / "Granite held Prentice tighter, whispering, 'It's going to be okay.'"

Slide Seven: Titled "Honorary Errol "I have five identities and they're all the true me" Forkle Mention​". Smaller text below reads "Strut it Magnate "I inspired Loki but don’t even ask about the horse thing" Leto!​" A picture of Mr. Forkle is next to a tumble post by me about Forkle being trans based on the Loki thing. The slide is decorated with several trans flags.

Slide Eight: Titled "Beauty Standards" with text reading "Speaking of things Shannon Messenger did subconsciously, it’s so painfully clear that this series was written by a white American woman that it makes me break out in hives. Messenger establishes very early on in the series that all elves, no matter who they are, are gorgeous in comparison to humans. For some reason that I’m sure has no correlation to Sophie and therefore Messenger’s personal biases (aka Western hetero/cisnormativity and gender roles), every single elven character is slim with clear skin and no glasses. For some reason, beards seem to be impossible for elves to grow naturally, since the only time facial hair ever appears on anyone’s face is when they take an elixir to change their appearance." An image of Sophie with her human family is captioned "Sophie with her ugly nasty disgusting human family apparently​".

Slide Nine: Text reading "Valin is a member of “the drooly boys” who, had they been “human, would’ve been skinny, with acne and braces. Since they were elves, they were fairly good-looking—or they could’ve been if they hadn’t slicked their hair into greasy ponytails” (Messenger KOTLC 170). It seems elves have evolved past the need for brown eyes, acne, crooked teeth, facial hair beyond eyebrows, and variations in body fat—not to mention most other features that make people unique. ​There is indeed a single elf who is fat and even has wrinkles (elves also don’t physically age past 30, fun fact). He alters his appearance with berries that swell his skin, making him the only unique body type besides Sophie’s human family, who are consistently thrown in terrible comparison to her new, movie-star-looking adoptive parents. The berries also make him smell, interestingly enough.​" Images of Councillors Zarina, Terik, and Clarette line the right side of the slide.

Slide Ten: Text reading: "By portraying the elves as the standard for beauty and then removing any pimple, stretch mark, fat roll, body hair, crooked tooth, big nose, or any of the thousands of features that add depth to faces and bodies, Messenger tells us that perfection lies in eliminating all “flaws.” She tells her young readers that they are desirable if they look like Sophie, or Biana, or Keefe—not Stina with her curly hair, or Dex’s too-skinny arms, or Forkle’s large stomach, or my human body.​" The family portrait of the Vackers is also there.

Slide Eleven: Text reading: "Mostly, what defines KOTLC is how it’s interpreted rather than the content itself. I look at Sophie Foster and see parts of myself, but that does not make her me. These characters always feel so painfully real, desperately relatable, as if Messenger cobbled together a main cast from bits of my life, but they are not. In the end, they are just characters. ​In the end, it’s just a series made for middle schoolers, in the same way the sun is just the sun, and the stars are just there to twinkle merrily and not to be explored.​" Sophie on the cover of Exile is also there.

Slide Twelve: Text reading "Literally the day after I finished this presentation a new Marella short story came out in the paperback version of Stellarlune (book 9). This is a quote in the short story:​" with a picture of the short story of Marella being gay about Linh. Also on the slide is "🚨🚨🚨Alert Alert!🚨🚨🚨​" "🤨🤨🤨🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️​" and "Everyone is excited about Marellinh canon but I think she will simply never acknowledge it again.​"

Slide Thirteen: Just the text "Oh, By The Way, This Series Is Off The Walls Insane​"

Slide Fourteen: Text reading "Things that happen in this series: Alicorns have sex and then there is a graphic birth scene (but the Forkle as Loki thing is going too far 🤨)​, Love Interest confesses his feelings by telling Sophie he wants her to be assigned to marry him by the government​, An ogre bodyguard plays matchmaker with her charge and his crush (successfully)​, There's a guy who can sense "potential" except is definitely lying about this​, Villains die so disappointingly. So far we have "hit on head with rock" "smushed by door opened too quickly" "exploded" "fell into evil birthing sauce" (this last one was cool though)​, and A school principal becomes president​" Three tumblr screenshots and memes detailing other things that happen in the book are also there.

Slide Fifteen: THE END. A screenshot captioned with "Credits for the fake book 7 cover go to @/aphelea on tumblr​" shows a canva/booktok style fake cover for Flashback, with a dancing couple, a horse, and the words "he was a boy. she was a horse. could I make it any more obvious?"

/end id]

[yandereunsolved]

When You Fell From Heaven - ,, yandere JPM with an angel reader

cw(s): yandere themes, psychological torment, suggestive themes

☾ You were assigned your first case among the humans by the Archangel Michael himself! To say you were honored would be an understatement. You were just a simple guardian angel, leading mortals into the afterlife and protecting the ones that were under your care. You had never actually been on earth, given a vessel of your own, no less. It was a bit uncomfortable to fit all of your angelic divinity into a human body, but you would get used to it. With all the fiber in your being, you wanted to become a Power, a warrior of God against the demons. You are much more than just a simple guardian. This was the perfect way to prove it to those above you. 

☾ The Cortez, a place filled with unimaginable agony and sin—they even had attracted a fairly powerful demon, the addiction demon, and a few lesser demons into their walls. You would have to start with the newer and weaker spirits first and then move on to the more troublesome ones. You plan on stripping their power spirit by spirit until they have nothing to feed off of. You'll take care of the addiction demon and then the dead owner, James Patrick March. It's much too troublesome that the demon has attached itself to James. You may have a bit of a problem with taking his soul to hell while exorcising the demon with your angelic abilities.

☾ The first time James saw you, he knew there was something off about you. He felt a shudder go up through his spine, and he felt fear for the first time in his afterlife. It was absolutely intoxicating to him. It was more pleasurable to him than the fear he gave to others. It was like he was discovering a brand new drug. You're like his own personal brand of heroine. He's tried them all, but the adrenaline from his own fear is the most addicting. So many thoughts ran through his head. 

Who is this? A challenger? Another, better successor? Perhaps the 10 Commandment Killings weren't just his epilogue. 

"It's time to start a new book, and you'll be the very first chapter, my dear."

☾ He has watched you since he noticed your presence. He just knew you were something extraordinary. The first time you set foot in the hotel, the addiction demon disappeared into the murky depths of another-dimensional pocket space. He was perplexed when he was unable to call it back. It refused to respond to his commands. Not even the lesser supernatural evils in the hotel would attack you when he commanded. They just all cowered in fear. When the addiction demon did come back, it seemed much more feral, territorial, and truly demonic. He regained control over it, but it was like holding back a dog with its hackles raised and teeth gnashing, ready to kill an intruder.

☾ Even more questions popped up in his mind when he noticed souls disappearing. He was hiding to investigate. He wasn't showing himself because he didn't want to be seen. Yet, you saw right through him. You seemed spooked—like a fawn that had wandered too far from its mother and got caught in the path of a starving wild cat. You disappeared in the blink of an eye, and he just stood there surprised, a little emboldened. This little thing is taking souls from his hotel. Challenge accepted. 

"Oh, you little minx. Let's truly see which of us may be able to best the other."

☾ It was only after he saw you in the action of saving a soul did he realize who you were. That fear and excitement coursed through his veins once again. For the first time ever, he had a worthy prey. You were an angelic being sent by supposedly some man upstairs. His mission became to corrupt you and save his lifetime of work from being undone. After all, if he can corrupt an angel, can't he kill God?

☾ You were just so deliciously infuriating to fight with. It was impossible to go back and forth with you. You always refused his advances, his invitations to private dinners, and the sweet nothings he would try his best to whisper into your ear. Still, you were like a skittish animal. Every time he got too close, you would scamper off back to your room. You warded it against all dark beings. It was your only safe place in his hotel. He had to fix that. He had to make you crawl back to him and beg for his love. Yet, every time, you would simply whisper some words about saving him. 

"James, this isn't the way. I forgive you. I can lead you into the light."

He almost believed you. He knew there was no saving an evil as great as him. 

So he used the addiction demon to slowly break down your defenses. He needed to use it before it became completely feral due to its lack of food because of you. He promised it that he would allow it to feed off your corrupted energy once you finally fell from heaven. 

☾ He pulls your strings just like a master puppeteer. He warns the ghosts of their antics. If they dare ask for your help, if they dare try and get saved, he will drag them to one of the torture chambers. They may be dead, but he still has a few tricks up his sleeve as to how to psychologically torment them. It leaves you isolated. Everyone in this hotel is your enemy or a soul to be saved, except the charming James. He so lovingly speaks to you about how it was only a matter of time until you gave in. Even when you exercise your power against him and make his soul quake in his presence, he can still feel his little hold over you growing. Day by day, he chips away at you with new psychologically haunting games. One day, you will fall. One day, you will fall and be his greatest trophy prey. 

☾ At some point, the game of wanting to make you fall turned into a need. Sure, the addiction was there, but he just believed it was a demon or a momentary high. No, it's a high that never ends when he is around you. It's like your very existence breathes life into his deceased figure. 

☾ He begins to fantasize about what you will look like when you fall and what he will do to you. He wants to hold you close and rip your rotting wings off of your angelic soul. He wants to preserve your wings and use the last bits of them or different things. He wants to stuff his pillows with your feathers so he can sleep with that last bit of your holiness at night. He wants to sharpen the bones from your wings and use them for his weapons. He could use them as spikes at the bottom of one of his chutes. He could use one to stir his tea. He could use two of your wing bones to make matching rings for the both of you. Wouldn't that just be so romantic? 

☾ He invites you on a tour of his esteemed hotel. You decline. So he lures you out. He drags a living client in his hotel to the room in which you are occupying. He knocks on the door and holds a knife to the victim's neck. 

"Shall we go on a tour, or should I go all by lonesome with my friend here to one of my torture chambers? Hmm?" 

You obviously said yes. He was over the moon at that fact. He shows you every inch of the hotel with his same gentleman-like, suave demeanor. He allows you to enter the torture chambers and feel the desperation of the spirits within. He shows you the chutes and what leads to the acid pits, so you see where so many have met their end. He grabs your hand and drags it against the walls so you can feel the souls trapped in them. Every crevice in that place you have seen. It will be your home for the rest of eternity. So he wants you to know it well. 

☾ He even shows you his room. That's the last place on the tour. He locks you in his room and speaks of his master plan—not the details but the overview. You are unable to escape because the walls are lined with angel wards, making your powers essentially useless. He speaks of what he will do to you when you fall. The torture and pain he will inflict. He speaks of how the addiction demon taught him all of this. He tells you how he knows all of your secrets. How he has learned about all of your abilities from the dark forces below.

He goes into fine details about the love you both will make together. The days you will spend in his bed mere seconds after your angelic aura is tainted. He speaks of how it will be good for, good for your recovery.

"Yes, darling! I do have a special plan for the both of us. That night will be the greatest. I promise to make the sweetest love to you, better than any other. For you have never even been touched by a man, have you? I doubt angels are even allowed to explore themselves. What a pity... but don't worry. I'll show you the ropes, even if you may be a little tied up."

☾ He refuses to leave you alone after he learns of the angels way. He becomes ever more persistent in his acts to entice you into his sinful ways of living. He'll show you how freeing it can feel to just give into the darkness and embrace it. He'll lose articles of clothing by 'accident' and ask you to help look for them. He'll speak of different poisons and different torture methods and how you could use those to get back at the so-called 'divine beings' that have kept you as a measly guardian for so long. He teases you about how great of a lover he would be. About how he could help you take over heaven. 

"Hmm, yes. You could become greater than Lucifer himself, dear! We could take over heaven... together."

☾ You either win against the evils within this hotel or fall. Your powers weaken each day as the addiction demon relentlessly attacks you, and James learns more of your kind. It is a race against time itself to see who will come out on top. It truly comes down to you. How devoted are you to the heavens? Is your dedication to becoming a warrior of God greater than your need for a man so singularly devoted to you and only you?

.ೃ࿐ -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- .ೃ࿐

⟿ taglist: @coentinim @bluerthanvelvet444 @cxndiedvi0lets @doll3tt333 @lacucarachapisser @marchsfreakshow @slutforgarlogan @nahoyasboyfriend

.ೃ࿐ -ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- .ೃ࿐

[poppy-metal]

what about miguel ohara tied up. i want to tie him up. he’s so tense all the time he just needs to lose control and get his dick sucked. he could easily break the ropes because he’s enormous but he doesn’t because he likes to whine and cry and beg for his princess to please just please just let him cum!!!!!! and when u sit on his dick and don’t move, he starts actually crying. you tell him if he begs pretty enough then you’ll fuck him. immediately, over and over, fuck me fuck me please fuck me. submissive ohara is my own personal brand of heroin

oh.

big beefy men having feminine whimpers is my roman empire, i think. hes so growly and huffy and gruff voiced till the tip of his dick is hugged by your pussy and then its game over. mouth dropped open, claws out and thighs trembling and stomach flexing as that tight warm heat slowly incases his thick cock. head empties of all thoughts.

similarly its hard for you to keep up the act of dominance when the thick breach of him is splitting you in half making you go cross eyed. you both kind of lose sense after that, just needing the rawness of sex. the slick slide and pull, you bounce on his dick and moan with every downward movement that impales you on him and he whimpers and babbles to you in spanish, praises and pleas and confessions. mutual dumification, if u will.

[tthatsonme]

Twilight.

by molly

_ As summer slowly but surely creeps into fall, you feel nothing but comfort surrounding the topic, you feel completely immune to seasonal affective disorder (depression when the seasons change) because you love seeing the world turn from green to orange to white and blue, life feels more and more comfortable as fall arrives and the summer gets cooler and cooler, your life feels how the songs Roslyn by Bon Iver and St. Vincent, Waste by KxllSwxtch, Cardigan by Taylor Swift, Master of None by Beach House, Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood, and Possibility by Lykke Li sound, your life and world seems to be shifting into your desired lens colour from the movies, the weather changes when it’s fall to always be rainy, darker, and foggier, your life feels extremely nostalgic like the Twilight movies and it almost feels like it’s 2008-2012 again, no matter what or where your life or what your environment is like; life feels nostalgic again and like the Twilight movies have come to life.

_ Now only is your soul beautiful but your physically beautiful too, you’re just like a vampire with the way that you’ll probably never look older physically, and when the time comes where you do start to look older physically you still look as beautiful as you were when you were younger, even when you get wrinkles or grey or white hair you don’t feel the need to get fillers or dye your hair or anything because of how beautiful you’d look naturally, as of right now you think that you’re beautiful or handsome, you have no insecurities when it comes to looks or your body because even if you don’t like it it’s easy for you to change but you still love and accept yourself as is, even though basically everything about you is beautiful/handsome and perfect the most notable thing about your physical appearance is your skin, your skin is like the moon, not in terms of colour but more because of how naturally glowing and alluring your skin is, your skin almost looks sparkly because of how flawless it is, celebrities and rich people can try all they want to get skin like yours with their expensive treatments and serums or whatever but no one can seem to replicate the naturalness of your perfect skin.

_ You don’t even need to say a word and people like you and want to be with you whether it be in a romantic or platonic sense, it seems like you’re never alone because of how much people flock towards you, everyone talks about how beautiful and attractive you are, even if you seem like a “loner” you still have people who talk about you and how much they love you and admire you, even if you do happen to be someone who’s more quiet and uninterested in having an intense social life of partying and trying basically everything you have no problem being social, (unlike Bella lmaoo) you’re not awkward and even if you are people find it interesting rather than immediately judging you for it, no matter what your personality or life is like people still like you, since you have pretty or handsome privilege people are always coddling, pampering, spoiling, praising, and just overall loving you because they find you so cute (ib Aleya ofcc), you just scream Twilight vibes because of your aesthetic and the way that you dress, you’re always finding Twilight-esque clothing (whatever that may be to you).

_ You find a partner/significant other who is just like your desired character from Twilight, regardless of who that is; the quote from Edward to Bella where he says “You’re like my own personal brand of heroin” is exactly how they feel about you, they seem to always be looking out for you + the of the affirmations from my “Can I show my love for you?” subliminal.

Extras I added

_ Manifest people into your life that are like/look like the characters that you want from Twilight

_ When winter comes around, it’s never too cold for you, you’re immune to freezing + you’re always warm even in -50 or colder (I’m Canadian so)

_ If you want to move towns/cities to have this aesthetic, you suddenly have an opportunity to do so

_ You’re never on your phone/social media because of how interesting and adventurous your life has become

_ You can manifest any of the things in this subliminal for other people

[princessbrunette]

Your pope works have been so hot like omg… it’s like they’re …my own personal brand of heroin fr

you’re so sweet omg <3

[frasier-crane-style]

Very early on in this movie, hero Christian Grey gives da chick the standard romantic leading man speech about how he's bad news--a loner, Dottie, a rebel--and she should still clear of him. At this point, they've gone out to get coffee one time and he's saved her from a careening bike messenger. I know it must be exciting to tell a lady that she should stay away from your twisted mind for her own feminine good, but dude, save it for at least the second date.

This came to Netflix, so I figured I might as well give a shot. It's a failure, obviously, but it's an interesting failure. There are talented people both on screen and behind the scenes, and it looks like a movie, but all their efforts amount to putting lipstick on a pig. Would it be unfairly inside-baseball to repeat the reports of a troubled production, with the author insisting on an adaptation that was too faithful for its own good?

Try not to do a shot every time heroine Anastasia Steele* extravagantly bites her lower lip in lust.

(how come Dakota Johnson's character name in this is way more silly than the name of the literal superhero she played?)

To be fair to the movie, I've seen a ton of waggish assholes like, well, me, declare that this movie is a camp classic of unintended hilarity and guys, c'mon. There's no way they didn't intend "What are buttplugs?" as a laughline.

In fact, with Dakota Johnson's sitcom star comedic timing and winsome charm, watching this movie is a bit like finding a coke-begotten relic of the 80s where some madman paired Meg Ryan and Rutger Hauer (it doesn't help that, as "Mr. Grey," they cast an actor that plays serial killers about as often as heartthrobs).

I'm making this story sound interesting, but it's not able to succeed on its own terms, as whenever it tries to get serious, the drama runs headlong into a howler of a line that must be verboten from the books. "I'm fifty shades of fucked up!" Christian groans at one point.

"I don't make love. I fuck. Hard," is another line that even Sir Michael Caine couldn't get into working order.

It's a shame, because there's no real reason a modern-day gothic romance can't work. Sure, there's no real plot to the thing besides Ana and Christian's doomed/not-so-doomed romance, but there are worse foundations for a movie than a relationship where the guy wants to hurt his lady love as much as romance her. It's fucked up, but imagine what a Cronenberg or Verhoeven could do with the assignment. Well, full frontal, probably.

(The compromise to keep Jamie Dornan from spending a third of the movie displaying the status of his circumcision is that he does most every sex scene in a worn pair of jeans. I probably should've been too stunned by his abs to wonder at this, but dude's a billionaire. Is he doing yardwork in those jeans? Home repair? Or have they gotten all the holes in them purely from screwing? Man, that guy does fuck. Hard.)

You know, given that bondage is a pretty common fetish, you'd think Christian Grey--an ubersexy twenty-something billionaire--would be able to find a woman who's into, y'know, all that--especially since his wildest antics are a little whipping and possible anal fisting.

I know there'd be no story if he didn't immediately fall in love with Anastasia Steele (snicker) and if she wasn't only putting up with the bondage to get the package deal. Still, that is a pretty contrived starting point, isn't it? At least Team Edward has the excuse of that whole 'my own personal brand of heroin' thing.

[v3nusxsky]

would you do a request for emily prentiss x secret girlfriend, where she finally gets introduced to the team and they find out the reason why emily is so happy? also, you’re a beautiful writer and i love reading all your works

Meet the family

*Authors note~ love getting prompts for this lovely lady. She really holds my heart and truly I think she deserves all the love and attention*

Trigger warnings~ nothing?

Prompt~see ask^^^

Who would've knew that night in the bdsm bar you'd end up being taken home by the most stunning woman in the place. For her, she was drawn to you. After a particularly rough case she'd been wanting to blow off some steam, neither of you had intended on this being more than a one night thing. That one magical, sexy and beautiful night was the catalyst of something so pure it was almost unreal.

Emily had explained to you, her job didn't allow for relationships really, she had to travel to catch the un subs. You were given the choice to try and see where it went or walk away with no judgement. Happily, you choose to try, there was something about this woman that had you hooked. Like your own personal brand of heroin. You being a lawyer meant you were busy a lot of the time. Cases often came home with you, which made Emily feel so much better when she brought paperwork home too. Some nights you both sat at one of your places with a glass of red wine working diligently. Often those nights would end in the most wonderful passionate loving sex.

Around the one year mark Emily returned from work seeming on edge, you instantly worried about her. Had she been hurt? Had the case been too rough on her? Yet when she informed you rather shyly that Rossi was hosting a family dinner, you smiled at her, "that's okay emi I will be okay for one night." She shook her head and avoided your gaze mumbling out quickly, "Rossi said I can bring a plus one. Come with me?"

Now of course Emily spoke of her team, not much but you knew names and rough descriptions. You knew who had partners and children and who Emily bantered with at work. Derek Morgan seems to be a right flirt and you remember the day Emily texted you about his awful pick up line "with a film and a Halloween honey." You remember cringing at the text before responding with a flirty text to distract your girlfriend. "You want me to meet the family?" You quizzed trying to hide the joy you were feeling. Emily is extremely carful with who she lets in so this  was a massive step for her and you couldn't help but feel pride. She trusted you. She wanted everyone to know you were hers. "Em of course I'll come to Rossis with you when is it ?"

That Friday you made sure to leave work slightly earlier than normal as you hurried to get home, shower, do hair and make up and find the perfect outfit for the occasion. Emily arrived as you were pacing your bedroom, unable to decide between this beautiful maroon dress or the tight fitting emerald green dress you'd wore to yours and Emily's first date.

"Damn angel, I hope your not planning on showing up like this" she gestured to your underwear clad body coming to pull you in by the hips and kiss you senseless until you both needed air to breathe. "Green one baby" she stated with a quick smack to your right ass cheek she left the room heading to the front door calling out to you,"need to leave in five minutes Angel." You quickly adorned the chosen dress and did a final sweep of anything you'd need before locking up your apartment and getting into your girlfriends car.

The drive there was quite, Emily's hand flickering from your thigh to the gear stick as you sat in thought, what if they didn't like you? Or think your good enough for Miss FBI agent superstar Emily prentiss. Only when Emily had pulled up outside and shut the car off did she turn to cup your cheeks with her hands and press her lips to yours. The kiss instantly calming your nervous as your mind and body became wrapped in everything that was Emily.

Truthfully, you were so nervous you didn't even remember getting from that kiss in the car to Rossi's front door. Emily knocked twice before squeezing the hand that she held yours with, "you'll be okay Angel they will love you" she whispered managing to sneak a kiss to your cheek before the door opened. Emily greeted the grey haired man as Rossi and lead you into the house. It was truly magnificent and you couldn't help but feel slightly out of place here. The three of you joined the group of people in the kitchen and that's when you were spotted.

"Who is this honey" Derek asked glancing between you and Emily, "This is my girlfriend Y/n" she announced looking at you with her usual adoring gaze. "Em, she's so pretty, you said she was but aww em" the blonde lady blurted out seeming like an excited child on Christmas morning before being chuckled at by Derek, "calm down baby girl." You smiled at the interactions. More people greeted you and introduced themselves, soon enough you were in a conversation with JJ and Reid about how Emily likes to speak in different languages when she is annoyed with Derek. They told you how your girlfriend had been happy for the past year and not let anyone in on the reason, often turning down celebrating after a case to spend the night with you. You felt your heart flutter at that, you knew knew you loved her more than life itself it was so reassuring to hear she did too.

Soon enough Emily abandoned her conversation with Rossi and Hotch in favour of coming to find her girlfriend who seemed to be the night's favourite company. It warmed her heart to see you fitting into the BAU family so effortlessly, she knew you would. That's why she'd handed Rossi a little box while you were distracted. She knew what she wanted forever and that was you. "Hey angel, I hope you're only being told good things about me" she teased while starring each of her friends down and placing her hands round your hips encouraging you to leave backwards against her. "Mm hey emi" you murmured happily smiling up at her. Truly tonight was so special and such an important moment in your relationship that you just wanted to bask in the moment, until Derek decided to tease your girlfriend, "emi" he put on a poorly done girl voice causing your girlfriend to start saying a flurry of Spanish words. Here and now, this is what you wanted for life. Her. And you hoped she felt the same.

Later on that night you didn't need to hope no more. You'd found something on your plate that was most definitely not edible so you turned to look at Emily with confusion written all over your face, only then did you see her down on one knee whispering, "Angel, you met my family, you've put up with my crazy work schedule and you're the one filling my heart with love, light and happiness. I want you for life so will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" Her voice trembled ever so slightly at the end as she began to profile you, searching for any signs of rejection. You squealed and threw yourself at the raven haired woman, "yes yes yes emi yes I'll marry you" you sobbed happy tears as she pulled a small dainty yet classy ring from her pocket, slipping it on your finger before standing to fall height and kissing you.  Life as Emily's wife was all you could have ever dreamed of, yet now it wouldn't be a dream. It would be reality.

Word count~ 1356

[grumfield]

shizunfucking with a turned-evil disciple is like [edward cullen voice] my own personal brand of heroin like I have a glass heart but I see a young evil guy be needlessly cruel to his pathetic but deeply kind older teacher and feel like that gif of Eric Andre cheering…it’s not about the cruelty it’s the fact I know he’s gonna have to grovel later that does it…like fuck yeah be mean and vicious and cruel to the only person who still loves you it’s only a matter of time before you’re gonna be writhing on the ground begging for even the chance at being his guard dog and your deepest dream is to be allowed to hump his boot even though you don’t deserve it 👍

[wazzappp]

I have this. Extremely specific scenario. I like to pull off the daydream bookshelf quite a bit.

After Robbie kills Ivanov, everybody there still like. KNOWS WHERE HE LIVES. So I'm thinking some new motherfucker rises up and is like 'alright were gonna hit him where it hurts. protect future business ventures n' stuff' and sends someone to take Gabe as leverage. Lisa and Robbie have actually managed to TALK about things and once theyr'e on friendly terms again she is once again babysitting Gabe.

Anyway this mob guy shows up and attempts this kidnapping. Lisa manages to get the upperhand with a kitchen knife somehow and just. GOES HAM. LIKE. 'GETS ON TOP OF HIM AND STABS HIM TILL HES NOT MOVING ANYMORE AND THEN JUST A LITTLE EXTRA FOR GOOD MEASURE' GOES HAM. Naturally calls Robbie afterward because WHAT. This guy is clearly MOB AFFILIATED she has NO IDEA what will happen if she calls the police SO PLEASE JUST FUCKING GET HERE AND MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

It's a complete and total clusterfuck all around. For EVERYONE.

Lisa is IN THE MIDDLE OF A CRISIS OK. SHES EARNED A LITTLE FREAK OUT. SHE JUST FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE. Jesus christ why didn't she stop after he was down why did she keep fucking going god what does that say ABOUT HER. Does she feel the right amount of bad about this? She doesent really REGRET it she just wanted to keep Gabe and herself safe. But did she really need to go that far why did she take it that far and SHE WAS READY TO DO IT AGAIN IF SOMEONE ELSE BAD WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR is something wrong with her? please dont let there be something really wrong with her shes tried so hard to be good shes tried SO hard please please she is. spiraling. bad.

Gabe is having... a fucking time of it. This is the second time in two months that someone has been killed right fucking in front of him. At least the first one he was only semi conscious for but still. @moosemonstrous helped develop two GLORIOUSLY, BEAUTIFULLY angsty directions this could go. 1. 'WOW the world is dangerous I'm so lucky that I have people who can protect me. Those guys must have really deserved it.' (bonus points if him and Lisa are still not on the best of terms but this like. endears her to him. jesus christ I love your brain moose thats so cutely fucked up). OR 2. he can go the self blaming route of 'This is the second guy to die. And he died because people were protecting me. Is this?? My fault?? Is there something wrong with me? if people keep getting hurt because of me maybe it would be better if I just wasn't around.' (<- ROBBIE GET YOUR BROTHER NOW.)

And Robbie. Jesus christ. His brain is being pulled in SO MANY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS BY THIS. Eli is elated, naturally, 'OHHHOHOHOHO ROBBIEEEEE I KNEW YOU HAD TO HAVE GOOD TASTE IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN CARS! See!!? I TOLD you killing is a perfectly natural part of being a person! Look at all those stab wounds she CLEARLY had a good time!' Robbies part of the brain is going 'HOLY FUCK' and IMMEDIATELY jumps to problem solving. He needs to get rid of the body first and formost at least that shouldnt be too hard oh god getting rid of bodies is something hes GOOD at what the fuck. HOW MANY?? OF IVANOVS MOB?? KNOWS WHERE HE LIVES??? Oh fuck does he have to go kill them ALL ?? (<- que Eli doing backflips out of absolute joy at that possibility) Also, brother. You cant tell me. that demons don't have weird social structures and expressions of affection. And Robbie is like. HALF DEMON. AT LEAST. So this shit for him is at least a little bit like when a cat brings you a dead animal (SHE IS SHOWING!! THE LITTLE ONE!! HOW TO HUNT!! SHE KILLED FOR HIM!! FOR US!!). IT IS. CONFUSING. FUCKING CONFUSING AS ALL HELL FOR HIM!!

Idk man this is just the particular brand of clusterfuck that is like my own personal brand of heroin to quote one sparkly boy.

[sickd0lly]

your scent is like a drug to me like my own personal brand of heroine

[when-wax-wings-melt]

Keeper of the Lost Cities: A Love-Hate-Love Relationship, And What It Can Do To Your Psyche 

This is the essay you guys wanted to see after this presentation dropped; to be clear, this is the final draft. The presentation was made from the rough draft, so it's rather different.

Also, the essay prompt was to make it personal. So the italicized bits are where I was trying to do that, and they are both separate and a part of the essay. They break up the flow, but are also a response to the normal bits of the essay. You get it. Here we go.

In total, the Keeper of The Lost Cities (KOTLC) series by Shannon Messenger has over 7000 pages, split between nine and a half books (Book 8.5 was, uselessly, a novella) with a planned tenth coming in late 2024. It’s the kind of series that hooks you the same way a fisherman hooks a fish: with a promise of a treat that goes very, very unfulfilled. This is to say: KOTLC is a good series, at least at first. It’s certainly been my core obsession for a good (or bad) five years. It’s a hook because you can’t escape once you’ve begun. It’s my own personal brand of heroine, as Edward Cullen might say if Bella were a too-long book series that doesn’t resolve any plotlines or character arcs and instead piles more information on top of worldbuilding until contradictions are more plentiful than the packed main cast.

KOTLC is a good series, but the idea of recommending it feels like I’d be violating several articles of the Geneva Convention. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, and yet the thought of it ending is an impossibility on the scale of the apocalypse and I hope (I’d rather) the world ends before this series does. KOTLC is a minefield of sloppy worldbuilding, deeply compelling characters, and---where am i without it?---bits of myself woven into the many, many words, sinking under my skin and revealing what I think I have to offer. 

Sophie Foster is the protagonist of the series, trudging the long, never-ending path to what hopefully will be a happy ending. Like the author, Sophie has blonde hair and brown eyes, making her unique among her fellow elves, who all have blue eyes, including the rare-among-the-main-cast people of color.

There are so many things that make Sophie weird, strange, unique, attractive to every boy who sees her, and otherwise out of the ordinary: for example, she has five special abilities that allow her to teleport, read minds, inflict pain, speak any language, and enhance the abilities of others---i cannot do what she can, but she breathes and i do too---There are certain things she has very much in common with her fellow elves, such as her slender build and flawless skin, but much more makes her, as her childhood bullies would say, “A Special Sophie-Flake.”

Sophie was raised by humans, which not only means that the steadily growing pile of unique traits is now tottering dangerously above my head, but also that she’s clumsy and wildly insecure. This insecurity has a purpose and a source, making it one of the most annoyingly (and terrifyingly) accurate depictions of teenage anxiety in middle-grade media (if I were a vampire pulled from normal vampire lore rather than Twilight and I looked at her, I’d be invisible)---so do you get it? do i? 

which one of us is me---Sophie has intense imposter syndrome, never believing she’s worthy of the overwhelming support, approval, and desire heaped upon her throughout her years in the Lost Cities. In Book One, four teenage boys were no less than obsessed with her, possibly because she, presumably, talked to them sometimes. Valin, a “drooly boy” (named due to his constant drooling, as one might expect), is forced to ballroom dance with Sophie in detention, and later gives her a card and a bracelet professing his admiration. Dex Dizznee manages to sustain his crush until he finally makes his move in Book Six, and is rejected in humiliation after she kisses him to make him realize his feelings aren’t actually real---when I know that he was lying to himself, is lying to himself. truth is a phase and it ends once you hit age eight---After Book Six, only two remain: Fitz and Keefe, each of whom has made their crushes very, desperately, embarrassingly clear to someone who very clearly returns both sets of feelings.

“Sooner or later you're going to have to solve the triangle. Or should we get real and call it a square?” (Messenger Neverseen), notes Keefe, with his usual subtle confession of his feelings---only leaving me with questions: did he want her to know at all? is he chasing the person or the change? the girl or the excitement? the wanting or the wanted?---The love polygon of however many vertices is both acknowledged and not by Sophie— she’s aware of her feelings for Fitz from chapter two of Book One, becomes aware of her feelings for Keefe in Book Nine, and mentally friend-zones Dex every other sentence, even when it’s not really relevant to the rest of her inner monologue. Her inability to believe with confidence that she might be worthy of a crush (or any sort of positive acknowledgment) is layered beneath every thought where she considers the possibility of being liked, and then promptly dismisses it.

---she knows that admitting it means being wrong. i will be wrong, unless i guess right and am big-headed, full of myself. who am i---

Sophie’s oblivious nature stems from her human upbringing, directly resulting from the trauma of developing the ability to read minds at age five. She hears her parents wishing she were normal or better at making friends and fitting in, her sister complaining about her presence, and her classmates at school judging everything she does.

She sticks out like a sore thumb in the human world, only to come to the elven world and be called a freak, malfunctioning, a genetic experiment, and a failure, just when she thought she might fit in---when i am a puzzle piece, a corner without the connection---Her alienation in the human world (referred to as the Forbidden Cities in the series) comes from her level of success, skipping five grades due to her elven intelligence and photographic memory, and getting into Harvard at age twelve.

While she hates the combination of jealousy and admiration she’s constantly showered with there---who hates it and loves it at the same time? isolation and contradiction---in the elven world, she’s hated for other reasons: accidentally breaking laws, making mistakes, or simply being a blip on the seemingly perfect streak the elven world has for peace and security. Is there any mystery as to why she would never believe that people actually, genuinely care for her? She’s formed her protective coating of denial that lasts her through every time Fitz gives her a gift and she convinces herself it means nothing, or every time Dex shows his jealousy, or every time Keefe goes to her before anyone else.

Even when she kisses Dex, after he tells her in anything but words that he likes her, she doubts herself—are two sides of the same coin, where heads is insecurity and tails is egotism. question: who is she?---She doesn’t think he actually likes her, appreciates her, admires her. This doubt works its way into everything she does, every relationship she has, platonic, romantic, or otherwise. Yet again, she shows her status as a reflection---answer: she’s a mirror. i know who i am because she exists---reading into everything and still not believing or trusting that it truly exists outside of her imagination.

Any time Sophie sees a girl she perceives as prettier, more elegant, or smarter than she is, she instantly develops a jealousy complex—relating either to how Fitz acts around them, or how they project the confidence and normalcy she wishes she can achieve---to tell me whether or not i am alone---She surrounds herself with people who are described as incredibly stunning even in a world where every elf naturally matches the ideal Western beauty standard.

Yet she refuses to believe that she, too, might be beautiful, and instead considers herself dull and boring next to Biana, Linh, Marella, and Maruca---(and ten books later, i still do not have an answer)---Even Stina, who has committed the number one crime (it’s a federal offense) of having “a mass of frizzy curls” (KOTLC 164), is considered beautiful when her hair is “tamed” and slicked back. This framing of beauty applies to the boys, too, but none of Sophie’s descriptions are quite as detailed, quite as admiring, or quite as wistful as when she’s describing Biana Vacker’s heart-shaped, perfectly glossed lips---so, yes, i look at her and see myself. is that what i’m trying to say? is that what i am?---

But the queer-coding doesn’t stop (or begin, really) with Sophie’s dedicated denial of both her worth as a human being and her desire to kiss her pretty girl friends. A connection called a “Cognate Bond” is often referred to in the text as the closest two elves can become, emotionally and mentally.

Cognates exist when two Telepaths (such as Sophie) have such a deep and unbreakable trust bond that they become more skilled together than they were apart. In creating and maintaining this bond, they have to complete trust exercises and not hold back secrets keeping them from total confidentiality---she thrives on secrets---Sophie’s cognate is her friend (and love interest, and, debatably, ex-boyfriend) Fitz, whose romantic relationship was in a large part focused on their cognate one. Their trust exercises involve staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands, having matching rings, and Fitz telling Sophie that she’s the only person he can truly trust.

Fitz also asks his father at one point if cognates are allowed to date each other— his father affirms the statement. Notably, Alden has the authority to do so since he himself was a cognate, only undergoing a nasty breakup— sorry, only losing the bond, after his cognate, Quinlin, kept too many secrets. It’s implied that two other characters were once almost Cognates, only to grow too far apart when one of them, Prentice, had his sanity forcibly shattered and was locked in prison, leaving his (gay lover) best friend, Tiergan, to raise his son---while cognatedom thrives on truth, and also regret, and also the denial of both---The choice to parallel Fitz/Sophie, Alden/Quinlin, and Tiergan/Prentice was possibly not a conscious one but it still resonates with hundreds of queer teen readers who look at the portrayal of utter devotion and trust between two men and think, Wow. This is what I see in myself---but without the denial, without the regret, what are we left with? what do we see?

we see the truth.

We see ourselves.

There are so, so many other issues that I could easily delve into in this series (such as the strangely Western portrayal of gender roles, the racism concerning the Song family, irresponsible adults and the ethics of genetic experimentation, the girlboss and cardboardification of quite literally every woman, etc) and just as many things that make Keeper of the Lost Cities worth it (Fitz’s anger, the development of villains, Sophie’s trans-coding, Keefe’s trauma, physical ramifications of guilt, Marella and Fintans’ pyrokinesis/queer-coding, whatever Dimitar has going on, etc).

The series tends to skew to the “not good” side, although on occasion it will topple abruptly into the “incredible work of art and exploration of wildly interesting character dynamics” before rising like an angel back to heaven into its original position as “questionable in terms of taste.” Mostly, what defines KOTLC is how it’s interpreted rather than the content itself. Someone far different (and with far worse taste) than I might see Fitz’s quest for vengeance and call him a red flag in elven form, while I call it a ridiculously interesting exploration of what grief, near idol worship, toxic standards, and guilt can do to a teenage boy past his limit.

But I am not the voice of the fandom (even though I definitely should be). I look at Sophie Foster and see myself, but that does not make her me. These characters always feel so painfully real, desperately relatable, as if Messenger cobbled together a main cast from bits of my life, but they are not. In the end, they are just characters. In the end, it’s just a series made for middle schoolers, in the same way the sun is just the sun, and the stars are just there to twinkle merrily and not to be explored.

(where am i without it? I cannot do what she can, but she breathes and I do too so do you get it? do i?  which one of us is me when I know that he was lying to himself, is lying to himself. truth is a phase and it ends once you hit age eight only leaving me with questions: did he want her to know at all? is he chasing the person or the change? the girl or the excitement? the wanting or the wanted? she knows that admitting it means being wrong. i will be wrong, unless i guess right and am big-headed, full of myself. who am i when i am a puzzle piece, a corner without the connection who hates it and loves it at the same time? isolation and contradiction aretwo sides of the same coin, where heads is insecurity and tails is egotism. question: who is she? answer: she’s a mirror. i know who i am because she exists to tell me whether or not i am alone (and ten books later, i still do not have an answer) so, yes, i look at her and see myself. is that what i’m trying to say? is that what i am? she thrives on secrets while cognatedom thrives on truth, and also regret, and also the denial of both but without the denial, without the regret, what are we left with? what do we see? we see the truth. We see ourselves.

[michaelceraobsessed]

18+! Minors DNI!!!!

Hey guys! This is my first time posting a fanfic I’ve written on here! A friend of mine @cl-01-kestis helped me out with this one and gave advice so credit goes to them as well.

If you’re a minor please do not interact. There will be mature content ahead. Any future fanfics will always have a warning if necessary.

Feel free to give advice or if you’re wanting any specific fanfic written let me know! I’ve got a few more that I might post soon so stay on the look out, and I hope you guys enjoy :D

King

The great könig. A brutal killer. A predator. His name literally meant king. Yet here he was, on his knees, begging for your touch. If you had told anyone what he was like in the bedroom, no one would Believe you. No one would believe that you could reduce this behemoth of a man to the ground with just a few teasing words and touches.

You had been teasing him all day, subtle glances, sly touches. He couldn’t take it anymore. He needed you, craved you like you were his own personal brand of heroine. His blonde hair sticking out in spikes, messed up from his face covering, and his face. Oh his face, covered in a cherry red blush that went to the tips of his ears and disappeared down to his chest underneath his black shirt.

And if you drift your eyes further down his body, towards his legs, you can see the obvious hard on between his thighs. “Y/n, angel please…” his gravely voice fills the air, tapering off into a whine that was quite pathetic. A smirk plays on your lips, enjoying the disheveled sight of your lover. “What’s wrong sweetheart? Cat got your tongue?” You purr as you lean down to his face, a hand coming up to cup his face gently before gripping his jaw harshly, forcing his eyes to gaze at your face. Your foot comes up to sit between his legs, boot pushing down harshly on his concealed cock.

A choked out moan escapes his lips, swollen and cracked from where he’d been biting down hard. “Please…I need you y/n…stop the teasing” his voice gravely and hoarse, tears that threaten to spill sit in his eyes, and if you look closely you can maybe see a small line of drool making its way down his chin. “You think you deserve my touch? You think you deserve pleasure sweet thing?”

He nods his head quickly, trying to rut his hips up into your boot, only for you to ground down harder, inflicting pain that only makes him more needy and desperate. He continues this torture though, practically humping your boot as he desperately tries to reach the edge he’s been chasing all day. “I’ve been good..I’ve been so good all day..please Angel, give me this” his begging gets more desperate, as his hands suddenly grasp onto your leg and he starts rocking his hips back and forth. Little huffs of air and quiet whines fill the dimly lit bedroom, the small lamp casting warm light onto his face.

You place a hand on the back of his head, stroking gently before gripping his blonde locks tightly, pulling so his head tilts back to look at you. “Go on then mutt, take what you need”, your voice drips with pleasure, a predatory grin gracing your features and your hand goes back to gently running through his locks.

That’s all the permission he needs as he starts frantically rutting against your boot, his grip on your leg growing tighter and tighter as he comes closer to his peak. His hips stutter, once, then twice before snapping in place as he squeezes his eyes shut and let’s out a low groan. Looking down, you manage to catch the wet spot form on the front of his trousers as he cums hard, making a mess. He finally slumps, his cheek pressed against your thigh as you speak gently and coo at him, hand stroking his cheek gently.

[threebooksoneplot]

This isn't a question but a confession. And I want to share it with you because I think you'll get a real kick out of it and understand the level of obsession I'm about to cop to...

Twilight is the reason I didn't get into medical school and changed my entire life trajectory.

It was 2009 and I was finishing my undergrad degree and putting all my eggs into the basket of medical school.

I know 2009 is a bit late to the twilight game but read it at the behest of a friend in the spring, exactly when I am supposed to be studying for my MCAT. I read the first book and i was immediately hooked (...something, something, my own personal brand of heroin). I think I read book one twice in a row before devouring the last 3, and and didn't pick up my MCAT prep until a week before I was to write the biggest exam of my life. Obviously I scored low on the test and was not accepted into med school. I don't know truly if I would have been a successful applicant had I not drowned myself in angsty teenage vampire land but I can guarantee it did not help.

So do with this what you will, but Twilight was a formative and life-altering experience for me. I love your podcast and feel the same joy and warmth (and cringe and judgement) that I felt back in the day.

Thank you thank you thank you for your podcast.

the way I laughed (painfully) when shannon read this aloud to me the other day!! I am so sorry that twilight victimized you personally and I hope the trajectory of your life ended up changing for the better. also this is unfortunately deeply relatable because I (g) once missed like 3 college classes in a row because I was obsessively hitting "next episode" on Gran Hotel (and I wasn't even in med school omg.) I'm so impressed with you for even attempting the MCAT in the first place holy shit —G

listen it sounds like you had everything figured out!! also I know i've already used this meme as a reply on an ask but:

—shannon